


Above the Noise and Confusion

by BazzyBoy



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, F/M, Failed attempt at humor, First story, First time writer, Fluff, Has Low Kudos For Good Reason, M/M, New to Fan Fic in General, Original Character is Basically Female Draco Malfoy so not that Original, Original Character(s), POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual exploration, Smut, everyone is a little bi, vampire stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-08-08 01:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16419617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BazzyBoy/pseuds/BazzyBoy
Summary: Simon and Baz struggle with intimacy issues a year after The Mage's death/fall of the Humdrum. They make progress and have setbacks. Also Baz meets his match.





	1. Chapter One

**BAZ**

I am kissing Simon. I’ve been kissing him for a little over a year now. His lips haven’t become any less intoxicating. If anything, the more I kiss them the more addicted I become to them. It’s so much more than anything I ever anticipated.

I unbutton his shirt and rub my hands on his chest. He is so warm. I take note of the moles my hands move over while my tongue tries to conquer his mouth. Sometimes I worry that if one my teeth gave his tongue the tiniest nick it could turn him. I’m not sure if it has to be fangs or if any teeth could do it. I’m careful to keep my fangs put away when we kiss but I still worry.

But right now one of his hands is in my hair and the other is gripping my shoulder, and it’s too enthralling for me to say hypervigilant. I kiss my way from his mouth to his neck. He tilts his head up to give me access. He trusts me not to bite. 

I slowly slide my hand down his chest, and down his stomach until I reach his belt buckle. I can feel his pulse thumping hard against my lips. I start pulling on the leather to undo it.  
Then he takes his hand off my shoulder and grasp my hand. I’ve never gotten past that damn bloody buckle. 

It’s more than I anticipated (from when we were at Watford together) but it’s not quite what I always imagined. I pull my head back and smile at him as if I weren’t devastated and found his objection charming instead. He smiles nervously back. Okay, maybe it is a little bit charming. 

He begins to say something, but I know whatever it is it’s going to be rambling, so I put my hand on his face and kiss him to shut him up. We haven’t really talked about this before, but I know he’s not ready. He had his whole life turned upside down a year ago. He has a lot to think about. And, thinking isn’t one of Simon’s stronger skills. But it doesn't matter because I’m not going anywhere and he can take all the time he needs to become ready. I might be immortal. I have nothing but time.

**SIMON**

Baz smiles and kisses me. I know he’s disappointed even though he doesn’t show it at all. The kiss is reassuring but I can’t stop feeling guilty now. And the guilt begins to spread and make me think of all the things I’m guilty of. Killing the mage, the dead spots, Baz’s families home being uninhabitable. I’ve caused so much damage…

I realize I’m not kissing back when Baz rolls over next to me and holds my hand. Then I feel my skin heat up and I panic for a moment. 

“Careful, Chosen,” Baz says to me, squeezing my hand. He must feel it too. 

I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. My therapist taught me some meditation and relaxation strategies. 

About a year after I used up all my magic to end the Humdrum I started to feel it come back. Now I’m terrified of going off again. Of causing a new dead spot. Of creating a new Humdrum.  


Penelope tells me not to worry because if I did create a new Humdrum, I know how to remove it now. And she thinks that now that I understand my magic, I might be able to choose where I draw it from.  


When I feel my magic welling up I think intensely about the ocean. I think about it’s a huge unpopulated surface. Penelope and I took a boat to America to visit her boyfriend. (We were worried about my wings showing up on a body scanner if we took a plane.) I think about the smell of the saltwater and the ocean breeze. 

I try to be vigilant to not let my magic come out. But it happens sometimes when I get emotional. Even though Penny thinks I can control it better (and I have to admit I also feel like I could control it better) I don’t think it’s worth the risk to try. Baz agrees with me about that. He can feel it before I do sometimes and warns me. 

He always says, “careful, Chosen.” It started as him calling me _The Chosen One_ to tease me, then it turned into _My Chosen One_ when being sweet with me. Now it’s just _Chosen_ when he’s trying to calm me. At first I didn’t like it because it reminded me that I was a “fucking tragedy,” as Baz put it. But now it reminds me of how loved I am. It makes me feel like it’s okay not to be the mage meant to save the world but be the one meant to be with Baz. He chose me. That’s what matters. 

I feel my magic withdrawal as I relax. I know Baz can feel it too because his grip on my hand loosens. 

Baz lifts my hand up to his mouth to kiss it then asks, “Have you ever been with a woman?”

**BAZ**

Simons face is priceless. He looks shocked, embarrassed and confused. He must never be able to think because his brain is too busy feeling.

“I dated Agatha for a few years,” he eventually says after his face returns to normal. 

At first I think he’s insinuating that he did sleep with Agatha. I can’t help but feel jealous. But then I notice that dumb look on his face and I realize he somehow came to the conclusion that I was asking if he had been in a relationship with a woman.

“Obviously I’m aware of that. I spent many years trying to end that,” I remind him. 

He grabs a pillow and hits me in the face with it. “And succeeded,” he reminds me.

“Are you complaining?” I ask.

He smiles wide and says, “nope.” He’s already forgotten the original question. 

I rephrase, “did you and Agatha ever do more than snog?”

He only looks embarrassed this time. He shakes his head no. 

“Why not?” I ask. 

“We never had any time alone. Either we were at Watford or we were at her parents house.”

“So, you did want to?”

He looks guilty and embarrassed. If I felt that many feelings at the same time I think I’d ignite. 

“I think so, yeah. But I never really thought about it too much. We were always busy trying to survive the Humdrum attacks. Or I was too busy trying to figure out what you were plotting.”

Now it’s my turn to smile wide. He used to make my life hell with his constant spying but I love the idea that he was too busy thinking about me to think about her. 

”Why does that make you smile? I hated you. And I thought you hated me.”

“Because my plots worked exactly how I intended them too.”

He hits me in the face with the pillow again. I take it from him and throw it across the room. He glares and smiles at the same time. 

“Why are you asking about Agatha?” He asks. It must never had occurred to him that I avoided talking about this stuff until now. 

I want to understand what’s going on in his head when we fool around. It’s not that I’ve lost patience. I just decided that maybe he needs help figuring things out. I love him but he’s not very good at figuring stuff out on his own. 

“Because I’d be damned if she figured out how to get in your pants when I can’t,” I tease. I hope that didn’t come out harsher than I intended it to be. And again he manages to express too many things at once. This time it’s guilty and embarrassed while smiling.

**SIMON**

I want to fuck him so badly.

I just get so nervous and panic. It doesn’t feel right. I’m not sure why. 

I mean, being with him feels right. Kissing him is the highlight of my life right now. The first time I kissed him I didn’t even have to think about it. It just felt right. 

Maybe I just don’t know what to do beyond that. I never thought about other blokes like that before him. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do… 

Baz said he’s been imagining this since we first met. That’s 8 years of expectation I don’t know how to live up to. 

What if he doesn’t like it? … What if I don’t like it?

“You don’t think you’d like it?” He asks. 

How’d he know what I was thinking? Fuck. Did I say that out loud?

“I didn’t -it’s not -I,” I don’t know what to say. 

Baz sits up and is studying my face. I try to make my expression blank, but I know he can tell my heart is racing. 

He starts smiling. “Simon, it’s okay. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel. We can drop the subject indefinitely if you want. But maybe it’s time we talk about this. You can tell me anything,” he says, looking me in the eyes while taking my hand and kissing it.

**BAZ**

He is so nervous. And he isn’t saying anything. Maybe I shouldn’t be pushing this.

“What if I don’t like it?” He finally asks quietly. 

“No one knows until they try it,” I say. 

“No. I mean. What if I’m not gay?” He asks. 

“That doesn’t mean you won’t like it.”

He runs a hand through his hair in frustration, but he’s smiling. 

“Simon, it’s okay. You-“

Simon reaches down and begins to unzip my pants. I stop breathing and freeze. He pulls my cock out and starts rubbing it slowly while looking me in the eyes. I know my mouth is hanging open but I can’t will myself to close it. What the bloody hell is happening?

He has his mouth is hanging open too. He picks up speed. I finally have to inhale and it goes into my lungs choppy causing me to make a sound like a stuttered moan.  
His eyes light up with lust and now he’s breathing heavily. 

I lean forward to kiss him and then he pushes me back by the chest. Then he leans down and wraps his lips tightly around my cock. A loud moan escapes my lips even though I’m trying to keep my composure.  


He starts sucking like a siphon, and slowly bobbing his head up and down. I run my fingers through his hair. I want to grab it and start forcing his head up and down but I don’t want to push my luck. He’s doing a fantastic job without my help anyways. 

I lose control and start moaning loudly when he starts pressing his tongue against my cock while he sucks. It’s so warm. 

I feel his magic begin to flow through me like hot waves. It feels amazing. It feels like my whole body is about to cum. 

I try to say ‘careful, Chosen.’ I’m not sure if it’s to warn him about his magic or the fact that I think I’m going to cum. It doesn’t matter because all I manage to get out is a quiet “ch-chosen…” through my moaning. 

He puts his hand on my mouth to shut me up. He’s so determined. I take his hand in mine and start licking and kissing it furiously. 

I can’t handle it anymore. I’m just holding Simon's hand against my mouth moaning into it. I might be drooling, I’m not sure. I feel myself clenching up. I’m gripping his hand so hard I’m afraid I might break it but I can’t stop. 

I cum. I panic for a second that it’s going to freak him out but he just starts swallowing. It making me cum even harder. 

Fuck, I’m cumming so hard. It’s not stopping. My body is spasming in ecstasy. What the bloody hell is this? Is this normal for a being sucked off? 

I can’t think. I’m not sure if I’m breathing. Everything fades into shimmering white. I hear myself moaning but it sounds distant. All I can feel is divine euphoria and those hot waves pumping through me. It’s not just more than I ever anticipated or imagined; it’s more than I even imagined possible. 

After an eternity I feel like I’m regaining consciousness. (Was I unconscious?) Simon lifts his head off me and looks up at me shyly.  
I’m panting and dizzy. 

After a moment I finally ask out loud this time, “What the bloody hell was that?” 

“You didn’t like it?” He asks, looking like a nervous puppy. 

“I fucking loved it, Simon. I’ve never felt anything like that.” I grab his head and bring it up to mine and kiss him deeply.

**SIMON**

Baz has his hands entwined in my hair while kissing me. My hand is gripping his shoulder.

I’ve cleared my head to cap my magic. I hope I didn’t damage the magical atmosphere from that. I thought about cold blue and the smell of salt. Maybe I should call Penny and have her ask her dad. He doesn’t study the Humdrum anymore now that it’s over but I think he’d be first to hear it if a new dead spot opened somewhere. 

I feel Baz’s hand slide down from my head, petting me down my chest, then reach for my belt buckle. I remove my hand from his shoulder to grab his hand. 

He moves his head back and gives me the look he gives when I’ve said or done something incredibly stupid. It’s a look like he’s repulsed but at the same time thinks it’s cute. Sometimes when we’re joking around and he gives me that look, I like it. It reminds me of how our relationship has beautifully transgressed. But right now it just makes me feel stupid. 

His look softens and he grabs me by the back of my head and pulls my forehead against his. 

“After all that, you’re still afraid? Tell me. What’s going on in your head?” Baz asks. He sounds more concerned than curious. 

“If I get any more excited than that, I will go off,” I tell him. Jesus Christ. I didn’t even know I was thinking that. But now that I’ve said it, there’s no doubt in my mind about it. I would go off. 

“Of course... How could I have not realized?” He’s asking himself. He’s not hiding the devastation well at all this time. 

“Baz. I didn’t even realize until just now,” I explain. 

“I shouldn’t have pushed you,” he says. His eyes are so sad. 

“No. It’s good a good thing. Or, at least it’s a start. Before I honestly wasn’t sure why I was so closed off. But we’re figuring it out now. It’s progress,” I say. I was trying to comfort him but I’m actually making myself feel better too. 

“Simon, I think we should call Penny in the morning,” he says, not sounding like he’s on the same page about the silver lining.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz go on a date and a new character is introduced.

**Baz**

I called Penny the morning after while Simon was still sleeping (I was in her apartment, but she’s in America visiting Micah for the holidays). I did my best to be discrete but she knew something happened. Obviously I wasn’t going to tell her what so she spent about two minutes questioning me before I hung up on her.  


A half hour later she texted, “Nothing new.” 

It was a relief but that doesn’t mean it’s safe for Simon to use magic now. It is possible that he was successful in drawing magic from the ocean. But it’s also possible that the magic used was just under the limit to affected the magical atmosphere and anything more would. 

If a new dead spot appeared the coven would immediately investigate Simon. If they found out he got his magic back, I’m not confident they’d let him live. I can’t let that happen. Even if it means a lifetime of chastity. 

I get hit in the face with a snowball.

**SIMON**

I throw a snowball at Baz and it hits him right in the face. I’m struggling to inhale because I’m laughing so hard.

In an effort to repay me for the other night, he’s been taking me to fun places all week. He took me to a fancy bakery downtown for scones (they were almost as good as the ones at Watford - almost), he took me to see to see The Kingsmen (I thought it was wicked and I think Baz secretly did to), and today he brought me to a place to ice skate on his uni campus. 

Because it’s the holidays and it’s getting late, there isn’t anyone around. 

First we built a snowman. I used skittles for the eyes and mouth. They were a bit too small. But it’s all I had. Baz gave it his scarf and used a pen for the nose. I think it might have been a £300 fountain pen. I hope he doesn’t plan on leaving it. 

Baz throws a snowball at me and I expertly duck. He’s determined to get me back. He’s making snowballs so quick I give up making them myself and focus on dodging.  


After the third miss he takes out his wand and casts _**Jack Frost nipping at your nose**_ at the snowball and it tracks my face like a heat seeking missile. I tried to dart left but it hits my face hard enough to knock me off balance and I fall on my arse. 

Baz runs over to me in a panic. I think he’s worried that he hurt me. But when he gets to me I’m laughing hard again and that makes him start to laugh too. He gives me a hand to help me up but I use to to pull him down with me. 

I roll over on top of him and start kissing him. As soon as he kisses back I grab a fistful of snow and shove it in his face.  
“That’s for using magic!” I playfully shout at him. 

He spits out snow, sneering, then grabs my wrist then rolls over on top of me, pinning my arms over my head. He licks my cheek and growls. Then I lift my head up to start kissing him again. He kisses back.  


After a moment I shove Baz off, and get to my feet, then pull him up too. 

“I’m going to make a super snow angel!” I say excitedly. 

He sighs and says, “You already are a super Snow angel.” 

When he says dorky stuff like that, he says it so confidently that it almost sounds smooth. 

I run over to some undisturbed snow, and turn my back to it, and fall onto it. I stretch my wings out, then I move them up and down and slide my legs in and out. When I’m done, Baz is standing over me and gives me a hand up. 

“Oh. I forgot my tail,” I say as I look down at it. It really doesn’t even look like a snow angel. 

“It kinda looks like Pac-Man… with a devil’s tail,” Baz says holding his head sideways. 

I turn my head sideways and squint but I don’t see it. It’s getting dark. Maybe it can only be seen with night vision.  
He kisses me on the temple and says, “we should skate before it’s too late.”

We walk over to the ice and lace up our skates. Once I’ve got them on he’s helping me onto the ice. I’m a bit wobbly. He’s graceful, as always. 

Once I pick up some momentum it starts going smoothly. We go around holding hands. Because we want to, not because I can’t skate on my own. It’s a little uncomfortable because he’s wearing gloves and I put on my mittens. 

Baz lets go of me and speeds ahead, the does a little spin and starts skating backwards. Crowley, he’s beautiful. I’d tease him about becoming a figure skater, but I want him to keep showing off more.  


After about a half hour of watching him, it gets too dark for me to see where I’m going. If it wasn’t for me, Baz would probably glide on the ice until dawn. But he helps walk me to the bench where our shoes are.

**BAZ**

I forgot how much I enjoyed skating. I haven’t done it since I was seven. It’s easy to get back into the rhythm of it.

I would attempt to pick up Simon and strike a pose, but if I did that, Simon would never stop asking me to do it again. 

I see Simon squinting at the ground and know that it’s too dark for him. I help him back to the bench where we left our shoes. I unlace my skates and get my shoes on. I swear, Simon ties his shoes with knots. It take him forever to put them on or take them off. 

Someone screams. 

“Stay here,” I tell Simon, and start running towards it. It sounded like it came from near one of the buildings across from the lawn. 

I get to the building, and slow to a trot following the path leading behind it. Once I rounded the corner I see two people hugging. I pause. 

One of them looks at me, and lets go of the other. The other person drops to the ground. I see his eyes glint yellow before he takes off running. 

I have a special prejudice against vampires that attack my schools, so I run after him as fast as I can. I have a hard time closing the gap so I cast _**not a snowball's chance in Hell**_ at him, which melts all the snow around him and causes him to slip and fall on his back. 

He pops his fangs out and hisses at me as I stride up to him. It must be something they do to scare off Normals. I pop my fangs out and hiss back, mocking him.

He sighs and starts laughing and says, “thank god. I thought you were a vampire hunter.” 

There’s blood all over his face. It looks like his nose is broken. 

“Are you alone?” I ask him. 

“Yeah. Not many of us in the city these days.”

I’m convinced, so I light him on fire.

**SIMON**

Baz takes off when he hears the screams.

I quickly start prying off my skates. By the time they’re off, he’s gone. I don’t even try to put on my shoes. I run after him barefoot. 

It’s almost pitch black. I can barely make out that I’m on a path around a big building. I’m looking ahead for Baz.

I trip over something and fall down. 

It’s a person. 

_Please don’t let it be Baz._

I roll the person over and realize it’s a woman.

**BAZ**

Luckily burning a vampire doesn’t leave behind a corpse. Only ash. It’s late enough and vacant enough that I’m not worried about leaving the ashy puddle behind. It’ll probably be covered with snow again by morning.

Unfortunately, I’m also going to have to dispose of his dinner. That won’t be as easy. 

I head back to where I saw them, and I see Simon cradling someone. I wish he wasn’t here to see this. I could call my aunt Fiona to deal with it. It is her job. 

As I get closer I realize Simon is whispering healing incantations. I run over to him.

“She’s alive?” I ask. 

“Barely,” he says, brushing her blond-white hair out of her face. 

It’s Draca.

* * *

On the first day of the semester, I was held up before class and I had to sit in the second row (I normally sit in the first). The professor was going over what the class was going to cover. She asked us if we could give an example of price ceilings. I, along with one other, raised my hand.

“Wages,” I said confidently. I’ve glanced through the textbook already.

The professor looked disappointed and then looked at the girl in the first row. The girl was beautiful and slender with long straight blond hair that reminded me a bit of Agatha. She was dressed fashionably and had perfect posture. But she didn’t have that Little Bo-Peep look Agatha modeled. She looked far from innocent. 

“Rent is the typical example used for price ceilings. Things like alcohol costs and minimum wages are examples of _price floors,”_ she says, and looks back at me to smirk cockily.

I sneer back. That seems to satisfy her and she smiles wider.

“And what’s your name?” The professor asks her.

“Draca Milton.”

**SIMON**

“Chosen,” Baz says softly to me. I ignore him and keep trying to cast healing spells. I’m not sure if they’re working. I don’t have my wand but I feel my magic flowing.

“Simon, you need to stop using your magic,” he tells me. 

“She’s still alive. I need to save her,” I say crying. I don’t even know her, but seeing her laying like this makes me think of Ebb. I still have nightmares about not being able to help Ebb, and this feels like one. Except I have magic this time. 

“She’s dead, Chosen. You have to stop,” Baz says, getting on his knees behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. 

“She’s breathing,” I tell him quickly between spells. 

“Simon,” he whispers. “She’s been bitten. Even if she survives, she’s dead… We have to put her down.”

**BAZ**

Simon acts like he didn’t hear me.

I don’t want Draca to die. She may be a cut throat cunning bitch, but so am I. So I respect that. 

After she humiliated me in class that day, I was determined to outperform her. I studied harder than anyone (besides her maybe). I showed up for class early everyday to sit in the front. Which always ended up being next to her. (At least she didn’t reek of pumpkin spice like most of my female classmates. She wore a perfume that was actually kind of pleasant. Lavender and bergamot.)

Class turned into a kind of game show where her and I were the only competitors. It was a race to see who could raise our hand first at every question. The professor tired to end it by saying, “how about you two give the rest of the class a chance to answer?” But the rest of the class declined to answer. 

When that happened we gave each other a victorious smirk because we knew the rest of the class wasn’t anywhere near our league. But then we remembered we were rivals and looked away. The smugness still radiated off us. 

When it came time to do a group project, you’d think the rest of the class would be fighting over us. But I guess they resented us for driving up the grading curve. We both rolled our eye when we realized we had no choice but to work together. 

We agreed to meet at the library after class. Even though we were both coming from and going to the same place, we didn’t walk together. I intentionally left to go to the library without waiting for her. I wasn’t sure if she tried to catch up and couldn’t or if she found being around me as insufferable as I found being around her and didn’t try. 

When I got to the library I found an empty table and got out my laptop. I didn’t know what was taking her so long and I wasn’t going to wait. I decided on the topic we were going to work on and got started without her. 

She finally showed up, after I’ve perfected the thesis statement, with two cups of coffee. I take the one she hands be and drink it without acknowledging the act of kindness. It’s delicious and tastes like caramel, so I look at the cup to see what it’ll called and see the words, “arrogant twat,” written on it. 

“This must be yours,” I say cooly, handing it back to her. 

“Oh, you’re right,” she says and hands me her cup.

I look at it and it has, “dumb bitch,” written on it. 

“Hilarious,” I say dryly. “Give me back the other one.” I hold out the cup to switch back. 

“No, you were right the first time,” she says, drinking out of the cup I drank from. She wasn’t smiling or laughing but she was looking me right in the eyes. Her eyes are greyer than mine.  
I would have thrown it away, but I didn’t want her to think she could phase me. And also it really was delicious. 

She sat down next to me and scooted into my space to get a look at what was on my computer. When I didn’t budge she shoved into me a bit. I scooted back to avoid touching her, then realized that was a mistake when she started typing. 

When she deleted the thesis I said, “if you wanted to pick the topic, you should have gotten here sooner.”

“The topic is fine. It just needs to be written better,” she tells me. 

I almost yank the laptop away from her but I’m curious what she’s going to write. And when she’s done I say nothing, because it is written better. 

She must know this because she smiles smugly at me. I try to look unamused but it end up being more of a glare, and I slide the laptop away from her. 

I start typing and she patiently watches me. 

After a while she quietly says, “let me see if there’s references for that,” and walks away. 

I’m not sure if she was trying imply what I wrote was incorrect or if she wants to make sure we cite enough sources. I keep writing. 

She comes back with a stack of books, and starts flipping through to the relevant pages. She shows me what she found and it is interesting. She slides the laptop back over towards her and starts typing while I read. I don’t mind. I start looking up stuff relevant to what she’s typing. And we take turns like that for hours. 

We have written twice more than what was required by the time she says, “I have another class I need to get to soon. Can we meet here about an hour before class tomorrow?” 

“Sure,” I say. I’m actually slightly starting to enjoy spending time with her so I don’t fight her on it. 

Then she picks my phone off the table and enters the password. I try to grab it away from her but she swivels her back towards me. She starts adding herself to my contacts. 

“Why do you know my password?” I demand. 

“You’re constantly checking it during class. It’s hard not to notice. Seven, six, six, nine. Any significance?” She asks.

“No,” I say, pulling her shoulder back to reach over her and rip the phone out of her hands. 

Her phone chimes and she picks it up and shows it to me. On the screen she has a text that says, “Hey, sexy.” It’s from my number. 

“Do that again and I will write your number on every bathroom stall on campus,” I warn her and delete the sent message on my phone. 

“See you tomorrow,” she says, waving. 

The next day I brought the coffee. I wrote “dumb bitch,” on both cups hoping to get her back, but I think she still just enjoyed knowing I was drinking from a cup that said that. 

The day after that she brought it and only one was labeled “dumb bitch,” and I didn’t even fight her on who got which cup. I refuse to play that game with her anymore. (Not because I can’t win, it’s just beneath me.) Even though she never laughed at it, I could tell it was deeply satisfying to her to call me that. I had to get in the habit of double checking papers before turning them in because when given a moment alone with my laptop, she’ll change my name to that. 

She had many opportunities to do stuff like that because we started meeting before class everyday even after we finished the project. We’d study together and review each other’s papers to make sure the other students didn’t have a chance. 

The last time I saw her, I walked into the library and immediately realized we were both wearing dark grey jeans and what looks like the same white button up shirt, which had red flowers printed on it, with a black blazer. She must be shopping in the men’s section. (Although, unlike mine, her outfit included a red bra that matched the flowers. I could see it because she didn’t button up as high as I did.)

“Well, one of us has to change,” she said, teasing me, as I sit down next to her.

“Not me. I can actually pull it off,” I say without hesitation. 

“We can go to my dorm and do just that,” she says. 

I hesitate. “Are you saying…” my question trails off. 

She looks at me and mouths the words “lets fuck.”

My face is stone other than the one eyebrow I raise. 

“Just so you know, I’m gay,” I tell her. 

“Doesn’t mean you won’t like it,” she says confidently, squeezing my knee. 

I take her hand in my hand and look her in the eyes for a moment. 

“Yes, it does,” I say. 

She takes a drink from the coffee cup I brought then puts her hand on the back of my head and softly pulls my head towards hers. I wish I could say I immediately pulled away, but I didn’t. She pressed her mouth against mine. Then I could taste the sugary latte as she moved her tongue into my mouth. 

I put my hands on the sides of her head. I kissed back. 

Then I pulled her head away and leaned back. I looked at her. She really was beautiful. Her eyes, which seemed so sharp before, now looked soft. I think she’s been wanting this to happen for a while. I wonder if I have been too. Is this how Simon felt when he kissed me?

Simon. 

“I have to go,” I told her. And I left. 

The last thing I heard her say is, “what about class?” Which I ignored. 

I didn’t go to class after that. It was two days before break so I didn’t miss much. 

She texted me a couple times asking if I was okay and apologizing. I blocked her. 

I don’t think I made any wrong choices, but I can’t help but regret avoiding her, now that she’s dying. 

The only thing I can do to make it up to her is to let her die in peace and not let her turn into a monster. 

I summon fire to my hand and it illuminates her and Simon. 

“Simon, you have to get out of the way,” I say sternly.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vampire stuff and heartbreak.  
> (No smut in this chapter).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for you, WO2Ash.

**SIMON**

“ **_Make a wish!_ ** ” I shout, and the fire in Baz’s hand goes out.

I’m amazed it works.

“Simon, we can’t let her live,” Baz says, loud and irritated.

“Why?” I cry.

“She’s been bitten,” he says again.

“She hasn’t hurt anyone!” I shout.

“She will,” he says, trying to pull me off of her.

“You haven’t,” I growl trying to shove him back.

“She isn’t me,” he says, pulling me up by my arm.

“ **_Back off!_ ** ” I shout.

A surge of magic explodes around me with a loud roar like a wind tunnel and throws him back several feet. I didn’t mean to say that with magic.

 

**BAZ**

He’s going to go off. I can smell smoke and feel the magic spilling out everywhere. There’s a loud sound whirling around him.

I don’t care about Draca anymore. I wanted her to be at peace but not at the price of losing Simon. I’d let a thousand snobby blond vampires walk before I’d let the coven kill Simon.

“Chosen!” I call out softly.

He’s holding her saying, “don’t die,” over and over. It’s not a spell, but it could be doing something coming from him.

  
I crawl back to him. It’s difficult. It feels like like the magic that pushed me back is still repelling me. I feel it pulling at my face and hair as I fight through it. I struggle to inhale in the field around him.

When I finally get to him I wrap my arms around him to try to calm him and so I don’t get blown away again. It’s difficult without air, but I put my mouth on his ear and whisper, “Chosen.”

There’s a thundering clap, and the field repelling me drops. My hair falls in my face, my ears pop, and I inhale deeply

Simon is still crying. I hug him tighter and tell him, “it’s okay, Chosen. Everything will be okay.” I sigh and add, “ _she’ll_ be okay.”

I don’t normally lie to Simon. But I need him to stay calm. The truth is too much for him right now.

She won’t be okay. All her friends and family are going to feel alien to her. They’re not even the same species anymore. At best she’s going to have to have to live in constant fear of being found out and eat vermin regularly. At worse she’s going to kill and always be on the run from the coven. And the latter is the popular choice among vampires. The only choice I know of, present company excluded.

I don’t think Simon understands the burden the affliction carries.

I get up and go to pick her up. Simon gives me a stern look, as if to say _don’t you dare hurt her_. I look him in the eye and slightly bow my head, wordlessly promising not to.

Once I have her in my arms I notice Simon's not wearing shoes. I’d much rather be carrying him to the car instead.

When we get to the car, we carefully put her in the backseat. Simon sits in the back with her.

 

**SIMON**

When we get to my building Baz carries her to the flat. He puts her in my bed then tells me to get out my cross. I frown but dig it out of a bottom drawer and put it on.

He puts his hand on my lower back to lead me out. He opens the door to Penny’s room and lifts the blanket on her bed, gesturing me to get in. I would argue that we shouldn’t use her bed but I’m exhausted so I get in anyways. Instead of getting in with me, Baz tucks me in.

“You’re not staying?” I ask him.

“I’m going to stay up on the couch. I don’t want her to slip out if she wakes up,” he tells me.

“If?” I ask.

“When,” he tells me.

He kisses me and says goodnight.

When he turns to leave, I grab his sleeve.

“Thank you,” I say.

He says nothing and walks out.

 

**DRACA**

I wake up in a strange room. I feel sick. It’s like I’m so hungry it’s making me nauseous. It’s the worst hangover in my life.

For a second I think maybe I hooked up with someone but then I see I’m still fully dressed. I even have my shoes on.

I get my phone out of my pocket to check the time. It’s seven AM. I think about going back to sleep, but I need to eat something.

I leave the room. It looks like a two bedroom flat. It looks like your run of the mill college kids flat. I’m a bit jealous. I wanted an flat but my parents thought it would be a good idea to make me live on campus in a dorm. They think I’m too spoiled.

I quietly walk into the living room and I see _Baz Pitch_ asleep on the couch. Did I get drunk and call him? Did that dumb bitch finally stop ignoring me?

I sit on the coffee table in front of his face and start flicking his forehead. At first he tries to swat my hand away, then he startles and sits upright.

“Milton…” he says nervously.

I’ve never heard him sound nervous before. It makes me nervous. But I give him a dead stare. I don’t know what I did last night but I’m determined to keep my dignity no matter what.

“I’m hungry,” I tell him. I would ask him about last night but this seems more pressing.

“You’re hungry?” He asks sounding serious and concerned. Something really weird must have happened last night.

“Yes. Food. Do you have it?” I ask slowly, like he’s daft and can’t process things very fast.

“You want _food_?” He asks and blinks slowly. Maybe he is daft.

I roll my eyes and get up to look through their fridge. He jumps up and follows me.

“Stop,” he almost yells.

I do and hitch up an eyebrow.

“You don’t remember last night at all, do you?” He asks.

I give him a long, cool look, so I can study his face for hints. But he’s giving me the same look, so no answers there.

“No,” I finally admit.

“Draca, you should sit down,” he says. It’s weird hearing him call me by my first name, but I like it. I could get used to that.

I want to ignore him and go to the fridge. But he sounds like it’s urgent so I sit on the the chair. He doesn’t sit.

He pauses like he’s trying to think of what to say. Then he looks at me and says, “you were bitten by a vampire.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.

He sighs and looks pained. I’ve never seen him look like that before.

“I mean you were bitten by a vampire. And you’re a vampire now,” he says with grave seriousness.

I stare at him for a moment waiting for him to laugh. He doesn’t. So I do. I laugh hard at the ridiculousness of this situation.

Then I hear a door open and a bloke with dragon wings walks into the room. My laughter stops.  I know I’m wide eyed but I can’t compose myself right now. And he’s looking at me wide eyed too.

“Milton, this is Simon. Simon, this is Milton,” Pitch says, gesturing us to each other.

Simon has a tail and it swishes around. What the bloody hell.

This is mad. I need to get out of here. I need to find something to eat.

“I’m just going to go,” I say, getting up and heading to the door.

Baz gets in front of me, blocking my way.

“What are you doing?” I ask, angrily.

“Milton. You can’t leave,” he tells me. I must be giving him a somewhat successful death stare because he concedes a little and continues with, “Yet. I have to teach you things.”

“Like hell you do,” I say trying to get around him.

He grabs me by the shoulders.

“Let go of me,” I demand.

“No,” he says flatly.

I want to knock him over and leave. But I don’t want to lose a fight and it’s doubtful I could overpower him. Also, I want him to keep his hands on me. Which is bad for a multitude of reasons right now, so I don’t want to encourage it.

So I concede and stand still, trying to look bored and annoyed instead of terrified.

He lets go of me. Thankfully. Unfortunately.

The first day we had class together and the arrogant prick got that answer wrong, I couldn’t help but think _wow, Pitch is a dumb bitch_. But from then on he really stepped up his game and it was quite sexy.

But now that he’s barking mad, talking about vampires and imprisoning me here, I don’t know what exactly to think.

Simon walks up to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. There’s an awful static feeling and I shove his arm off and almost snarl at him. I’m able to compose it into a sneer.

Why does he smell so good?

Suddenly I feel something weird in my mouth. Something pushing against the inside of my lips. I press up against it with my tongue and find there’s something very sharp in my mouth.

Simon's is staring at my mouth with his mouth agape. He looks like an idiot. Baz grabs me by the arm and says, “Simon, go to your room.”

Simon looks like frustrated child and does. Tail swishing behind him…

Pitch walks me into the bathroom with a firm grip on my arm. He stands me in front of the mirror and I use my fingers to lift my lip up. I have bloody fangs. My fingers tremble as I try to wiggle them loose, like maybe they’re fake, but they’re stuck in there tight.

I keep a straight face, and my voice steady and ask, “what do we do about this?”

 

**BAZ**

“ _We_ aren’t going to do anything about it. _You_ are going to learn to cope with it,” I tell her.

She looks at me completely unamused by my answer. I look at her the same because I don’t want to be doing this either.

Not just is Draca fucking Milton, the woman I kissed, in Simon’s flat, but she also now has an urge to kill that I am entirely responsible for, and if my aunt finds out I’m harboring a vampire, she’d be furious. Draca is a bomb waiting to go off in my life.

She pushes past me and makes a beeline for the fridge. I grab her arm again and tell her, “We’re going to the roof.”

 

**DRACA**

I would protest. I’m so fucking hungry, and it’s cold out, so I don’t want to go on the roof. But his grip on my arm is strong and I don’t want to fight him.

When we get to the roof, it’s snowy and cold, as expected.

He leads me over to a pigeon coop. This day keeps getting weirder and weirder.

He reaches in and grabs a pigeon and holds it to me. I stare at him for a moment, but I take it. I just want to get whatever this is over with.

It smells surprisingly good. My stomach growls. I didn’t know pigeons even had a smell.

“Bite it,” he tells me.

“What?” I ask loudly.

“If you want the hunger to stop, you’re going to have to drain it,” he says like I’m an idiot he has to spell everything out for.

“I’m not biting a pigeon,” I say.

He sighs like I’m being annoying and says, “Either you drain the pigeon, or you starve. There’s no alternative. I’m not going to let you kill people.”

Kill people?

Oh. That’s why Simon smelled so good. Of course. Vampires eat people. I’m a vampire… Fuck.

I don’t want to eat a pigeon though. That’s disgusting. They’re rats with wings. It could have diseases.

 

**BAZ**

She’s been staring at the pigeon for a while. She looks both disgusted and hungry, which was to be expected.

“It isn’t so bad. It’ll make you feel better.”

She closes her eyes for a moment and sighs. Then she brings it up to her mouth and sinks her teeth in it. Blood drips down her chin and onto the front of her grey jacket.

Once she’s unable to get anymore blood out of it I hand her another, and she repeats the process.

She goes through about six pigeons before she’s done.

“We’re going to have to work on your technique so you don’t make such a mess every time.”

She doesn’t say anything. She just wipes her mouth with her sleeve and it smears across her face. I want to lick it off.

_NO!_

No, no, no.  

 

**DRACA**

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Baz says, sounding very irritated.

He leads me back to the flat, and takes my coat then pushes me into the bathroom.

I look in the mirror and I have blood all over my face and in my hair. And there’s some on my shirt. It must have dripped down my hair.

I pull my lips back to see if my fangs are still there. They’re not.

I don’t want to make a bloody mess of their towels so I decide to take a shower to rinse it all off.

There are so many different bottles in here. There’s face wash, body wash, body scrub, body oil, two different bottles of conditioner and shampoo. Some of these are really expensive. Cedar and bergamot shampoo? Baz really is gay, isn’t he?

When I get out there’s not much I can do to get the blood out of the fabric, but I put it on anyways.

I leave the bathroom and smell bacon. It smells delicious. I walk to the kitchen and see Simon standing over the stove.

Baz stands up from his chair when he sees me.

“Please, Pitch. I’m not the Queen.”

Simon bursts out laughing. I almost jump. It wasn’t that funny.

Baz glares at both of us as I sit down at the table. Baz sits back down too.

“Why are you two using last names?” Simon asks after his laughter dies down.

Baz and I stare at each other for a moment.

“Our relationship isn’t exactly casual,” I say.

Simon looks back and forth between us looking surprised.

“You already knew each other?” he asks looking puzzled.

“Yes. We have the same Econ class and we had a group project once,” Baz says quickly.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Simon asks him.

 _Oh._ They’re boyfriends. That explains a lot.

Well. It explains a little. Baz is well, Baz. But Simon has some of the messiest hair I’ve ever seen and is wearing a faded T-shirt. Also, I just saw him lick the butter knife. Why would Baz date a disaster like this?

“It didn’t seem important at the time,” Baz says.

Simon puts the bacon on plates and puts them in front of us and sits down.

I take a bite from the bacon and frown, realizing that delicious smell was Simon and not the bacon.

“So, why do you know so much about vampires?” I ask, gesturing at Baz, “and why do you have wings and a tail?” I ask gesturing at Simon.

 

**BAZ**

It took hours to get Draca up to speed. Maybe I should have just told her I happen to know a lot about vampires, and left out everything else. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her about mages. I probably shouldn’t have told her I am a vampire. But she’s not an idiot, and would have probably figured it all out eventually.

We answered all her questions about how magic works, and told her about the events of last year to explain the tail.

I didn’t tell her about Simon getting his magic back though. It’s not relevant to her, and he never uses it on purpose so she wouldn’t find out.

I also didn’t tell her the extent to which this burden this is going to be or what’ll happen if she kills someone. I didn’t want Simon to hear about how hard it is to not eat your loved ones. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t want him to pity me or because I don’t want him to be scared of me.

But she does need to be warned.

“Simon, can you get us take out from that one Indian place you like?” I ask.

“Why me? Penny’s not here to spell my wings invisible and your **nothing to see here** makes it hard for me to interact with people,” he complains.

“Excuse us,” I tell Draca.

I pull him into the bedroom and close the door.  
  
“I don’t want you to be alone with her. She’s strong, she’s hungry, and we don’t know how well she is at controlling her urges yet,” I tell him.

“Oh. Alright then,” he says and starts putting on his shoes.

 

**DRACA**

Baz gives him some money, and kisses him goodbye at the door. Then he gets his wand out and says, “ **_nothing to see here._ ** ”

It somehow manages to be more strange than seeing the wings. Because, I know he’s there, and he’s not invisible, but he’s hard to look at. It’s like the opposite of when you feel like someone is standing behind you when there’s no one. It feels like there’s no one when there is someone.

When I see the door open and shut I say, “I wasn’t going to bite him.”

“I know,” Baz says.

“I could also hear everything you said.”

“I know.”

“Then why would you tell him that?”

“Because I didn’t want him to hear what I need to tell you,” he says with grave seriousness.

As if, there’s something worse than everything else I’ve learned today.    

 

**BAZ**

“Every day, you’ll want to kill,” I start.

“I know. I might be new to all of this,” she says, “but I read Twilight when I was twelve. I’ve seen Interview with a Vampire, I’ve seen True Blood, and I’ve seen Let the Right One In. I know all about the hardships of being a vampire.

“I eat exactly 1200 calories every day, I wake up at 6AM to jog every morning, and I haven’t ever been late to a class or appointment. I am the epitome of self discipline.

“I know it will be hard, but I can manage. I am well aware of the constant struggle this is going to be. I can already feel it. But I have iron will. If your dumb ass can do it, it should be a cake walk for me.”

I stare into her eyes for a moment unblinkingly. Then I conjure a flame in my hands and look into it. I see her eyes narrow in my peripheral. Vampires are generally instinctively afraid of fire.

“You better hope so. Because if you slip up even once, I will personally track you down and ignite you,” I say.

She gives me a bored look and says nothing and I start playing with the flame, weaving it between my fingers.

“You should be dead anyways. How did you end up with a vampire last night anyways?” I ask.

“I was on my way home from a club and some guy asked me for directions to the library. Which in hindsight was a pretty big red flag considering the library was closed for holiday. But I had been drinking and wasn’t thinking as clearly as normal…

“I don’t even drink usually. Of course the time I do is the time there’s a vampire lurking around...

“How did you get bitten?”

I tell her what happened. When I tell her about when I found out my mother killed herself, I see what I think might be sadness in Draca’s eyes. Just for a moment before she schools her face back to her normal impassive look.

I notice the blood on her shirt, and go to Simon’s room to get one of the shirts I keep here. It’s a dark purple silk button up.

I come back to the livingroom and hold it out for her. Instead of taking it into the washroom, she takes her top off in front of me.

I raise an eyebrow at her.

She steps closer to me, placing a hand on the back of my head, pulling me in for a kiss. I don’t give in as easily as last time. But I still don’t stop it.

When she deepens the kiss, without the taste of the sugary coffee in her mouth, it’s boring. I’m just not enjoying it like I thought I would.

She takes my free hand and places it on her breast. She’s beautiful, but this isn’t interesting me at all.

There’s a clatter by the door. Simon has dropped the take out all over the floor.

 _Simon._  


**SIMON**

When I open the door, Draca is standing there shirtless. I’m about to say something, but then she puts a hand on the back of Baz’s head and pulls him towards her.

She kisses him.

_He kisses her._

My heart feels like it is being gripped so tightly it’ll burst.

When she puts his hand on her chest, the bags I’ve been holding fall to the ground.

They look at me and the room starts filling with smoke.

Why would he do this? In my own flat. Did he send me out just so he could do this? He promised me he loved me. He promised me he’d wait for me as long as it took.

I feel my magic spilling out. I try to think about the ocean, but it’s hard when you are looking right at your boyfriend next to the shirtless woman he was kissing.

The air around me become pressurized.

“Chosen,” he says, putting his hands up like he’s trying to calm me.

“ _Chosen_?” I yell.

A streak of fire whips across the room, and catches the couch on fire. They jump back, away from it.

“I’m not the only one you’ve chosen apparently!” I shout.

I’m going off. I feel it.

 

**BAZ**

The ground is shaking like there’s an earthquake.

I want to run to him but there’s a streak of fire between us.

As I say, “ **_make a wish,_ ** ” the power goes out, and everything it pitch black. Even with night vision I can’t see anything. There isn’t enough moonlight.

The power comes back on, and Simon is gone.

“Chosen?” I call out.

It is eerily silent.

I run to the stairwell, and shout, “Chosen?”

Nothing.

I think he’s gone. Like the time The Humdrum snatched him up… Like the time he saw me with Agatha in the wood…

I walk back into the flat and sit on the burnt sofa.

Draca has put on the purple shirt and is sitting on the armchair, hugging herself. She looks scared. Her eyes are watering.

I touch my face and realize mine are too.

“Simon went off, didn’t he?” she asks.

I nod.

I would kill her for doing this to Simon. But I’m the one that did this to him. If anyone should be killed, it’s me.

Draca sniffles, and says, “I don’t understand. If he had his magic back, why aren’t you two living in one of the dead spots so this won’t happen?”

Dead spots. Magic doesn’t work in the dead spots. Not even his. Why haven’t we been living there? Why didn’t I think of that?

He could be anywhere right now. He could be facing a new Humdrum all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be smut next.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried really hard to write fluff, and it turned into smut. Lol. Feel free to give constructive criticism. I don't know what I'm doing.


End file.
